


i can't get enough of what i need

by maisiedaisy



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: F/M, M/M, allusions to using sex and kissing as a sort of unhealthy way of dealing with his first kiss, basically k gets kissed by lots of people, child porn is not okay people sorry i made this happen to you k i really am, k had a sad life, k was sexually abused when he was really young im so sorry, not graphic but you'll see the innuendo of what went down, pretends he's straight for a while, short and sweet, so warnings, uhm k's in love with ronan and proko and jiang and like everyone, uhm yeah, well not really sweet, which you will read about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-05 21:25:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10317281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maisiedaisy/pseuds/maisiedaisy
Summary: The 9 kisses of Joseph Kavinsky





	

**Author's Note:**

> The first two deal with rape/sexual abuse. Do not read if that may trigger you or if it makes you uncomfortable.
> 
> So. This happened. And I'm so sorry that I did Kavinsky like this. Forgive me. Once again disclaimer: I did not edit because I'm a lazy asshole.

**I. His first**

 

Joseph Kavinsky’s first kiss is a dark-haired, dark-hearted, dark-mouthed, man who teaches him how to hold a cigarette only a year later. He is ten and he’s known the man since he was very young. He is in the man’s lap, much, much smaller, and much, much younger, but the man insists it’s okay,  _ Kavinsky’s  _ okay. But Kavinsky does not feel okay because the kiss is too much of teeth and tongue and a hot, wet, mouth opened like a blackhole against his own. Weeks pass afterwards and Kavinsky learns how to kiss another part of the man, lower and heavy on his tongue and  _ it’s okay, Joey boy, you’re so perfect.  _ (later during a satirical game of truth-or-dare between the dream pack, when Kavinsky confesses his first kiss, Jiang for once grows serious and quiet and tells him that what that man had done was not okay, not okay at all).

 

**II. The worst**

 

Kavinsky has his worst kiss in a gas station bathroom with a cop who has too much belly and not enough lips. Kavinsky had been high and speeding and thought a little kiss could save him from another trip to the police station. Maybe he was raped but Kavinsky doesn’t remember nor does he have enough self-love to even care. (secretly he thinks that even if he had been, it was probably his fault)

 

**III. The woman**

 

There’s a girl and she looks like his mother and she holds herself like his father. She is older and blonde and  _ married.  _ Kavinsky is closeted and looking for an excuse so when he catches her eyes on the streets he can’t look away. It takes him two months and four gigs of babysitting  her monsters for her to kiss him. She has sex with him and holds him afterwards and Kavinsky is reminded of being a little boy afraid of thunderstorms. She gives him her number but he never calls her back because he’s too busy paying her rich husband under-the-desk visits at his high-rise office.

 

**IV. Two at once**

 

Kavinsky is shipped off to dusty Henrietta with its winding streets built for racing and its shocking contrast of rich suburban families and trailer park trash. He’s the new student and he’s scared so he does what he does best and puts on a mask. This is when Joseph becomes known as Kavinsky. Rumors are spread about himself and he doesn’t mind because it makes this blonde-haired, soft boy in his class look at him with something akin to reverence. If he smiles at the boy a little nicer, the only one who notices is the asian boy with the feline eyes who calls himself Jiang.  _ You like my boy, Proko?  _ He asks one day, arm slung over K’s shoulder as Kavinsky works a cigarette in his mouth, a slow pull and exhale that he knows looks positively sinful.  _ So what if I do?  _ Kavinsky replies, letting the ciggie sit on his lips like a prayer. Jiang laughs and gives him an address to meet at. It’s there that he kisses Proko, strung out on coke, twirling the smaller boy’s hair in his fingers and showing the church-going boy what it’s like to be treated right. Jiang is pressed up behind him, lips catching on the sharp edge of Kavinsky’s jawline.

 

**V. The cheek**

 

The kid is a blushing, freshman virgin at Aglionby who can’t keep his eyes off of Kavinsky’s larger than life exterior. Kavinsky indulges in him because it’s been a long time since he’s felt like maybe he deserves good things. Kavinsky agrees to tutor him because the boy is sweet and Kavinsky needs a distraction from the perpetually growing hole inside of him. One particular day, when Kavinsky is leaning down close to the boy, so close the dark tips of his hair are aligned with the boy’s red cheekbones, the boy darts up to press a soft kiss to K’s cheek. Kavinsky freezes because it’s the most gentle anyone has been to him in a long time and it’s so  _ innocent _ . For the first time since his first kiss K blushes. (Kavinsky is scared and so he tries to avoid the boy and by the time he sees him again, the boy is no longer innocent and no longer interested).

**VI. Junior Year**

 

These are all the one’s he doesn't remember; Kavinsky spent his entire year burned out on his dream pills, doesn’t remember much of anything from that year.

 

**VII. The one he can never speak of**

 

Because Declan Lynch has a reputation to uphold, he doesn’t need a  _ piece of trash slut ruining everything he’s worked so hard for.  _ He says it as he works hard for Kavinsky, mouth something new and exciting on the inside of his thigh, the jut of his hip, blue of his wrist. His kiss is one Kavinsky can never forget because Declan knows how to use his fucking mouth and Kavinsky is almost swallowed whole with want want want. (Kavinsky wonders if Ronan can kiss as good).

 

**VIII. In a dream...**

 

Kavinsky lives in Colorado where the air is so clear and Kavinsky is kissed every day by a faceless man who holds Kavinsky in his hand like he isn’t something broken. It’s something K is embarrassed to think about, but deep down he wants normal, wants something that doesn’t feel like he’s aching for his next fix. The man kisses like Declan Lynch, swears like Ronan Lynch, smiles like Prokopenko, smells like the sweetly dark cologne of his father's colleague, and is as gentle as the blurry woman Kavinsky associates with the color lilac; gentle and safe.

 

**IX. Ronan Lynch**

 

Ronan Lynch kisses nothing like his brother. Kisses better, sloppier but with intent. He uses his mouth like it’s a fist, tries to get K to back down but Kavinsky has been in this game since he was ten years old, knows how to curl his tongue and when the press it flat against the roof of the other boy’s mouth. Ronan falls apart under his lips,  _ Jo-joseph, don’t stop.  _ When Kavinsky snickers meanly, Ronan’s hand is ready and pulls sharply at K’s head. He kisses the taller boy for what feels like hours, there’s no fucking, no regretting, no fantasizing about someone different. Just Ronan’s mouth, Ronan’s fingers, Ronan’s hands soft on K’s shoulders. Asking, pleading, letting. (When Kavinsky falls apart at the end Ronan is there to press a soft, swift kiss to his palm and K melts a little bit).

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading sorry if it was kind of crappy.


End file.
